Nothing wrong with that, except that it's only part of the picture. I rejected emotions and sought to numb them. I became a floating head, unaware of the information and resources my body sensations and human emotions held. My body became the object of my thinking, and what I thought about it was that it was too big and too uncomfortable. Of course, sensations and emotions live in the body, and mine were uncomfortable. So my floating head calculated calories, tallied up weights and clothing sizes, and mercilessly scrutinized photographs in an attempt to further disown my Self, with all of its complexities. Spiritually, I sought to dissociate rather than connect ever since I experienced the nondual realm at age thirteen after mantra meditation. Meditation became a vehicle for escaping the world rather than being more effective in the world. It didn't work, so I contemplated suicide for most of the fifteen years since I turned fifteen and until I turned thirty.
Eventually, as the only way to heal from an eating disorder and complex PTSD, I had to re-embody. My body gradually became an ally, the source of intuitive wisdom, the vehicle with which to process emotions, and further, an altar to the Divine. I became enamored with embodiment sciences and methodologies (yoga, chiropractic, acupuncture, massage, body-oriented psychotherapy, and craniosacral therapy among others). Each of these modalities contributed, one by one, step by step, to my integrating into a fully embodied individual whose Soul, body and mind functioned coherently.
Only in the last couple of centuries has Western science begun questioning man's inner being, mental processes, motivations and potential. Yoga, on the other hand, developed an immense philosophy of mind and consciousness based on internal experiences. The yogis established that the powers (or shaktis) inherent in the entire universe reside within us, and that the gateway to those experiences is our own body-mind with its various levels of perception. Well into the 21st century, more of the world is joining the ancient yogic understanding and the early pioneers of body psychotherapy. Somatic practices are becoming increasingly mainstream, and their effectiveness is being validated by neuroscience and social research. I recall the glee I experienced when I first read Antonio Damasio's Descarte's Error, in which he proposes a theory of "somatic markers" and stipulates that our reasoning stems from emotions, which themselves stem from sensory input from the body. We cannot reason, then, without emotional and sensory awareness. Or, we are reasoning, but if we do not understand what emotions and sensations are informing our behaviors, we are acting unconsciously.
Let me close with this paragraph from his article, "consciousness-in the sense of sentience, or felt awareness-is biological: consciousness is a life-regulation process of the whole body in which the brain is embedded. In the case of human consciousness, the context is also psychological and social. So even if we suppose that the brain is necessary for consciousness, it doesn't follow that consciousness is in the brain."
No comments:
Post a Comment